10. Otherworldly visitors who have sacrificed muscle mass, reproductive organs, and taste buds for more brain mass and computing power, traversed the galaxies and abducted the 16 wheeler containing the so called "recalled batch of beer" in order to perform cruel tests upon human lab rats aboard their mother ship. Under pressure from the CIA, MillerCoors concocted the story in return for years of beverage contracts at future inaugural balls and parties.
9. The recall was legitimate. A MillerCoors executive purchased a sixer of the tainted malt beverage, and discovered the batch had a foreign ingredient: Flavor. He called the brewery immediately. The order was sent. "You're all fired!" he raged, "This beer does not taste like water, you idiots!"
8. A chemical flaw in the "cold activated can" pioneered by the brewing giant actually sported a red mountain when refrigerated. Confused and thirsty low-brow consumers began flooding the company with complaints after many burst cans and messy microwave ovens.
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